Why was my 60th birthday so different from the others?
In recent years I paid little attention to my birthday, and even less to a party. I recently turned 60, and this time it was different. As early as autumn 2020, I had already sent out invitations for the day of my birthday. I felt that I wanted to be surrounded by what is meaningful to me.
My birthday was on 23 May. Traditionally, it is a day of fine weather, and I had every confidence that it would be. What I had expected became reality. In the midst of days of pouring rain, that day was bathed in sunshine, with a stiff but not bothersome breeze.
‘Why is this birthday so different from the others?’ I wondered. I have no idea what it is like for others of my age, but for me it feels as if a line has been drawn. Because of what has happened over the past months, I feel a clear dividing line between my past and the life that now lies open before me.
Without exaggerating, I can say that over the years I have found myself in some intense situations. Situations that shattered me and the picture I had of the world, like a rollercoaster flung off its track. I needed some time to understand what was happening, to recover from it and to lick my wounds.
But now, in 2021, I feel the rewards for my efforts and for the sustained work of growing in awareness coming to me in abundance. Everywhere I am reaping the fruits of a new kind of life that is revealing itself. The stories, a number of which carried a hefty dose of drama, have come to rest. They have been fully told. They are clear. They no longer ask for attention. I made peace long ago with the protagonists of my stories. They no longer ask for attention. I accept this with gratitude.
When I look back over the shoulders of my sixty years of life, I can still see how many times my life has hung by a thread. But that no longer seems important. What does matter is that I have learnt how to survive difficult situations, and what it takes to stand in your life energy again, time after time. The quality of my life has not gone downhill because of it. It has risen. And not only by society’s standards. Inwardly, I have climbed the highest mountains. I can only be grateful.
The wonderful thing about these 60 years is that I have been allowed to reach this age at all. Not everyone is given that. That alone is an enormous gift. Do you see the value of it? Does society see the priceless value of the resilience people have to bounce back, time and again? I can only be grateful.
A line drawn under my past. Do you understand what I mean by that? Past situations no longer put any pressure on me. Living in the NOW, being and staying present, is therefore much easier than it ever was. An unexpected result, one I had not immediately anticipated, is that I no longer have to do anything. There are no obligations left. I no longer have to prove anything to anyone, least of all to myself. I no longer have to perform. I can simply BE, and be ORDINARY, in the great playing field of life. I am so grateful.
When I had coronavirus a few months ago, I felt the transformation. I was invited to rest. To take a pause between my previous way of life and the one that is now unfolding. Being ill was my inner cleaning lady at work. A speck of dust here, a speck of dust there. Loose threads left over from my stories disappeared along with the viral infection. My body felt purified and strengthened in softness. The transformation has visibly, tangibly and audibly begun. I am so grateful.
When my 87-year-old father decided in March to do a constellation about his own family system, the floodgates opened completely. The traumas of our remarkable family history, which had governed our lives, turned out to have been transformed into a stream of love flowing abundantly through the different generations. In this constellation I was allowed to see my own liberation from them confirmed. My life purpose, ‘spreading light and love’, showed itself unmistakably and was in full motion. This day was special not only for me, but for everyone present who took part in the visible and tangible high vibration of this intimate event. Important for the students of mine who were there. A message of hope and encouragement that sustained effort leads to letting go, rewards, freedom, flow, connection, radiance, cooperation, love, light, … Anyone with knowledge and experience of family constellations knows that, after giving me life, my father could not have offered me a greater gift than bringing his own system into a new order. I feel his gratitude, I see his greater liveliness, a broader presence, his awakened interest in the light in his life. Which feeling would fit best here? I am grateful.
Years ago I promised myself that at 60 I would be healthier, more supple and more mobile than at, say, 25. Whether it was achievable or not was a nail-biting race. I almost thought I had failed. My body bears the marks of the unguided missiles that my stories were. Spiritual, emotional and mental recovery came more easily to me than physical recovery. Or so I thought. But even that turns out to be possible.
Recently my osteopath’s eyes filled with tears of emotion after a treatment she had given me. When I asked her in surprise what was going on, I received this answer: ‘I suddenly see how much effort you have made for years to keep your body healthy. I had never seen that before. Now I see it.’ I too was moved by the recognition. Hardly anyone sees it, but I know it. That is what I have done, in many different ways. It has given me a library of useful knowledge that no doctor has ever told me.
My goal lies ahead. At my party I showed what my body can do again now that it could no longer do in recent years. It is continuing to evolve. Matter is slower than the mind. Yet my body is now also letting go of what it once gathered to protect itself against the unguided missiles. I am as proud as Punch of every small improvement that comes along. I notice it in my energy and in my drive to act. In fact, I cannot keep quiet about it. I am grateful to my body for the smooth cooperation I have so often been allowed to experience.
In 1993 one of the most important events of my life took place. With that line drawn under my past, I no longer know whether it was a year earlier or later. ;-) A big bang if ever there was one, and one that is still expanding. One that changed my life completely. That was when I came into conscious contact with the inflow of the universal streams of consciousness. One of the most brilliant decisions I have ever made was to explore that path and make it my own. It has served me well. Of course, that evolution has not come to an end. But what I can say is that at 60 I feel that the processes of consciousness have come to a pleasant ripeness, and that I continue to spread them and carry them out into the world with great passion. In that lies my motivation in life, my drive and my driving force. Always present. Always in love. Since the big bang, I have always met the right people at the right moment to show me the way into new levels. I can only look at these encounters with gratitude and wonder. They have been far from insignificant.
For my 60th birthday my children had put together a surprise. They had contacted a great many friends from near and far, asking them to share their experience of their contact with me. As a result, I was able to receive many ‘feel-good messages’ that touched my heart. I was also able to read many wishes here on Facebook. I am grateful for all the beautiful words and lovely little gifts I received. I treasure them deep within. It filled me with wonder at how many people, in how many different contexts, I have been allowed to meet so far. Thank you all for playing a smaller or larger role in my life.
Now I look ahead to the next decade with an open gaze and a playful curiosity. What surprises will life have in store for me? What adventures will I still experience? What wonderful people will I still meet? In what will I still grow? What contribution can I still make? What places will I still discover?
So why was this 60th birthday so different from the others? Because I am allowed to witness the most natural life processes, recognisable to many, and how they translate into a joy for life and all that is. Well worth going for.
Thank you for reading this far.
Warmly
Hilde Van Bulck
28 May 2021
